[Harleyfatboy7]

Well there I was on a quiet sunny Sunday morning cleaning the bike in the back street. Just as I had finished the polishing (my back was as fragile as a breadstick). I went into the garage for a well earned fag and stood back in the darkness admiring my handywork. The sun was glinting of the chrome, birds were singing and all seemed right in the world.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a horrible screeching sound, reminiscent of Starsky & Hutch, followed by a crashing noise, broken glass and further screeching. Heart racing like a whippet on viagra I simultaneously smoked the fag and in a single bound leapt 10 feet from the garage into the back street.

What I saw filled my eyes with dread, and my pants with breakfast. Hurtling towards me and the bike not 20ft away was a runaway car containing 2 runaway girls. The missile (cos that what it was) had come round the corner into the back street at speed and bounced off a gable end house wall before selecting the next target …ME (and the bike)

Starsky & Hutch (The 2 girls about 14) who now looked more like a painting by Edvard Munch “The Scream” had thought an automatic would drive itself and took it for a test drive (I think they had just watched tomorrows world)

Faced with the prospect that I could soon be sentenced to life for a double murder of 2 teenagers in a car, and with the strength and maternal instinct of a mother protecting her sibling I summoned up superhero powers and half picked up the bike and half dragged it in into the sanctuary of the garage.

As I felt the car breeze past my legs before bouncing off the wall next to my garage, the screaming of the tires changed pitch to become the screaming of 2 terrified wailing girls trying to bail out whilst the car bounced from wall to wall like a pinball up the street, cats leapt for safety, buskers left their instruments and tramps thought twice about leaving their bottles of cider or meths. The car was finally stopped by a passer by jumping in to kill the engine.

I think I said “excuse me girls but you nearly killed me and damaged my prized motorcycle, do you care to realise what it would cost to repair” but what they actually heard would have made someone with acute Tourettes blush.

There was an upside to this that made my day, after the dust settled and my heart rate returned to normal, there was a group of kids came out to play all about 6 or 7 yrs old, I heard one boy shout “fly tinkebell fly” when I turned to look I saw a little girl in a party frock running down the back street flapping her arms, the innocent voice continued ………. “Fer fuck sake fly”.