Funeral & Anniversary

[Tones]

Bill died, leaving a will that provided £30,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last of the visitors departed the services, his wife, Lynne, turned
to her dearest friend, Sue, and said, "Well, I think Bill would have been
pleased."

"I'm sure you're right," replied Sue, who then lowered her voice and leaned
in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Lynne. "All thirty thousand."

"No!" Sue exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but £30,000?"
Lynne replied, "Yes. The funeral was £6,500; I donated £500 to the church,
and the wake, food and drinks were another £1500. The rest went for the
Memorial Stone."

Sue quickly computed the costs and asked "£21,500 for a memorial stone?
My goodness how big is it?"

Lynne replied "Two and a half carats."


WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman woke during the night to find that her husband is not in their bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in
front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why
are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first
met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back
then?" he says solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her
husband is so caring, so
sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when
your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," said
the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. The husband continues,
"Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either
you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?

"I remember that too," she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have been
released yesterday."