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Thread: G’day from down-under…….

  1. #211
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    Re: G’day from down-under…….

    ……..anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes in my company will know I have a predilection for strong coffee. However, unlike many of my European brethren who take their coffee in a cup the size of an emaciated thimble I like to use a mug so large it has its own bank account. Now this is all fine and dandy when I’m at home but, when I’m out and about things rapidly go downhill.

    ……..your average barista understands strong and large but, not in the same cup. With this in mind I strolled into McQuarrie mall with the wife in tow. Apparently the poor woman had gained or lost 2gms in body weight, I can’t remember which, although this meant she had to buy yet more clothes and handbags to make up for this microscopic change in her body size. Strangely I have worn the same size in jeans since I was 17 although, I seem to recall at 17 I could actually bend over in them. Anyway, I digress. So, as we strode though the mall walking by shop after store selling all manner of female garments the wife’s head was bobbing about like a giraffe’s Adams Apple, while I fixed my exocet gaze on a coffee shop at the far end of the floor.

    ……..now, in the UK all you need do is ask for a coffee and something hot and black containing caffeine will miraculously appear in front of you. Over here it’s different, you can’t just ask for a ubiquitous coffee. As I’m big and butch I only drink my coffee black so we can forget all the crappy caffeine concoctions containing milk or that soya shite. So I should be able to go into a coffee shop and say to the Barista, “G’day mate, I’ll have a black with an extra shot.” The Barista then blinks at me as if he’s just been fisted by a chameleon then says, “Would sir, mate like their long black small, medium or large? Medium already has and extra shot so would sir, mate still want an extra, extra shot? Large has an extra, extra shot so would sir, mate like an additional extra, extra shot? On the other hand, small doesn’t have an extra shot, so sir, mate could have a small with just an extra shot.” After about 30 minutes we establish what sir, mate wants is a cup the size of the Lovell telescope at Jodrell Bank with enough caffeine to keep a herd of hippopotamus awake for a week and no, sir, mate doesn’t want a bloody marshmallow on the side.

    …….so, the next time you guys and gals are complaining about the service at Costa and Starbucks spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourselves. We may have endless sunshine, pay half your price for petrol, have a total population less than London in a county bigger than Europe but, ordering coffee really sucks.

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    Last edited by Phssthpok; 17-02-2019 at 10:17 AM.
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  2. #212
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    Re: G’day from down-under…….

    ...but they still have pretty Polish baristas, yes?.....

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  3. #213
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    Re: G’day from down-under…….

    Quote Originally Posted by Paul P. View Post
    ...but they still have pretty Polish baristas, yes?.....
    ......I don't think anyone in Australia has ever heard of Poland; including the Poles. The Baristas down-under are usually Chinese, Korean or Singaporean students supplementing their income.
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