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Thread: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

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    Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    “I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have Florets.”
    Time out of mind

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    Hmmm...

    If that was the best joke,

    I wonder about the worst!
    Last edited by David Nimrod; 19-08-2019 at 11:07 AM.
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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    Quote Originally Posted by David Nimrod View Post
    Hmmm...

    If that was the best joke,

    I wonder about the worst!
    Here they are...

    WORST of the rest

    Ten jokes made the 2019 shortlist. Here are the next nine:

    "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott.

    "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones".

    A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert".

    A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith.

    "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith.

    "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff.

    "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford.

    "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons.

    "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    Theres more.....

    Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris & Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland.
    Barman says “not yew tree again”

    * * *

    My new years resolution is to stop using spray on deodorant!
    Roll on next year!

    * * *

    Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.
    Should have put it on aloha setting.

    * * *

    Chris Eubank has just written a book about Ethics.
    If it’s a success his next one will be about Kent.

    * * *

    Gutted the wife has left me!
    She’s took the Sky Box and all my Bob Marley records too.
    No woman no Sky

    * * *

    A bloke on a tractor has just driven past me shouting “The end of the world is nigh!!”
    I think it was Farmer Geddon.

    * * *

    I met a girl with 12 nipples today
    Sounds fun
    Dozen tit

    * * *

    Why can’t dyslexics tell jokes?
    They always punch up the fuckline.

    * * *

    How to work out your twat name…
    Take your first name and replace it with Piers.
    Now take your surname and replace it with Morgan.

    * * *

    If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.

    * * *

    News: ‘Boy George’s reptile bites 5 people in one day.’
    He needs a calmer chameleon.

    * * *

    Having a charity event for people that struggle to orgasm.
    Let me know if you can’t come.

    * * *

    Fell asleep at a party last night, and someone put a teabag in my mouth, i went mental!!!!
    No one treats me like a mug.

    * * *

    Me: Doctor you’ve got to help me, I’m addicted to Twitter.
    Doctor: I don’t follow you.

    * * *

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    A guy walks into the chemist and asks for some deodorant.
    The chemist asks " ball, or aerosol?"
    The guy says "neither, its for under me arms".

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    By the way, no joke (sadly) but that winning joke is now part of a backlash from Tourettes supporters who find it offensive. (I find forcing your viewpoint onto the rest of us offensive..)

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    Talking about dyslexic folk.
    My old gaffer was a dyslexic devil worshiper.
    He sold his soul to santa.

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    We all have to laugh at ourselves sooner or later. It's healthy.
    Time out of mind

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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    Door to door salesman calls on a little old lady with a new toilet brush. 'This will change your life, missus - use it for a week - no obligation...'
    Calls back seven days later and asks whether the brush changed her life. 'Yes!' she replied.
    'so I'll carry on using paper, thanks'.
    Born free
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    Re: Olaf Falafel has won the Dave funniest joke of the fringe award for 2019

    That dicklecksic jok is well funni!
    Only dead fish swim with the tide

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